What is Intentional Parenting? I define it as being self-aware, trusting your intuition and your instincts when it comes to your children, allowing freedom with boundaries, practicing parenting with firmness and kindness.
Jane Nelson clarifies for us in her book Positive Discipline that the term discipline comes from the Latin root disciple which means “to teach.” Discipline is not about punishing your children but rather about connecting with them, staying present with them and teaching them how to live in this world.
Parenting is an art form. It can be overwhelming and really tough. It is the rare parent that never struggles or feels exhausted at some point during their parenting years. On the other hand, parenting is a gift. It is a spiritual journey that, if you choose to embark upon, you will be forever changed. Even if you don’t “do your work,” if you are willing to be even a little bit open, you will be changed. And, if you intentionally choose to take the journey, to “go down the rabbit hole,” to really see yourself through the eyes of your children, then it is a grand adventure indeed.
The entire experience for me around my mother spanking my children, in the long term, has been a gift, because it has brought so much learning into our family. It has and still is bringing out the worst and the best in all of us. I couldn’t believe how angry I became when my mother decided no to talk about her choices publically. But, then I realized that that is her right and that I was even more triggered because this was my mother and all of my family “stuff” was emerging, as a result of this experience. I felt hurt, let down, abandoned, all things that stemmed from childhood “stuff” versus adult “stuff.” I fell right into my “old story” versus embracing the opportunity for a “new story.” In the end, I came to the realization that I believe people spank because they see it works in the short term. But, studies show that it does not work long-term.
So, I had all of these revelations, then, my mother-in-law called me and was extraordinarily angry about something I had said on our show, again about spanking. I couldn’t believe how small I felt once again and rather than sticking up for my point of view I fell right into apology. Hmm… another opportunity for learning… An old friend used to call them “f…… growth opportunities.”
The learning in all of this continues but one thing I know for sure is this past week I was definitely reminded of my humanness. Of, no matter how much work I do, there is always more to uncover about myself. Always more to learn and each “challenge” can also be seen as an “opportunity,” an opportunity for change, to become a better parent, a better human being. With every lesson we are given a chance to walk in another’s shoes, to have compassion and to work towards understanding. And then, there are those moments where we need to stand up for ourselves, for our children and do what is right. Or what we believe is right in that moment….
So much learning in just one week… and spanking such a hot topic… the topic that began this new journey of learning, of growth and in the long run of change….
