Spanking is a big issue for all parents. My wife and I don’t believe in it under ANY circumstances. If you do, please try this. Tomorrow, figure out a way to really piss off your boss and then when he/she gets mad, turn around, bend over and tell them to spank you, preferably with a belt or a wooden spaghetti spoon. Ask yourself, while they are wailing on your arse; does that make me want to do better for them?
Spanking always stems from anger. If you weren’t upset, why would you hit your child? If you disagree, take a moment and think about when you last spanked your child. Be honest. Were you angry at the moment you decided they need a spanking? You may have been calm when you spanked them but not at the moment you decided to do it. It’s ok. It’s human nature to want to lash out when we are angry or scared. But there are ways to gain control and do it differently, without hitting your children.
1-BREATHE – Your kids can push your buttons more than your wife. So when you feel “it” coming on, walk away. I’ll be honest, this is hard for me. But I’m working on it and when I do it, it makes a HUGE difference.
2-BE HONEST – When you are ready to come back and talk to your child, be honest with your feelings. If your child has run into the street without looking, make sure they are safe first, then take a moment for yourself and when you have calmed down let them know how much it scares you and how you would feel if a car came and hit them. Make it relatable. Talk about something they have lost forever. They will understand. My 3 year old did. It works. Guys, it’s okay to show some emotion to our kids. Just because your dad didn’t, only means he was taught by someone who was born between 1910 and 1950.
3-LET YOUR WIFE HANDLE IT – Personally I hate this one, because I want to control the situation. I want to show I am a man, but am I really being a man by hitting my child? What good does it do by trying to handle a situation when you have totally lost control? Let your wife take care of it. You score big points with her for walking away and your child will learn that it is better to walk away when angry.
4-CONNECTION BEFORE CORRECTION – Rather than coming in with guns and mouth blazing, as much as the event upset you, understand that your child is ultimately trying to get your attention. Whether it is running across the street, drawing on the living room walls, talking back to you or whatever you feel is worthy of a spanking, they are just trying to get your attention. So give it to them. Connect with them. Give them a hug. If they don’t want one, tell them this, “I’m really in need of a hug, and when you are ready to give me one I’ll be waiting.” Hello! They weren’t expecting that. I’ll bet 9 times out of 10 they are giving you a hug in no more than two or three minutes. And remember, your child will be in a much better place to hear what you have to say if he/she is connecting with you, rather than being spanked.
5-SHUT UP AND LISTEN – Turn your ears on. Hear what they have to say. If you come in talking at them they won’t share or listen. Ask questions. “Why did you run into the street without looking? Why did you decide to draw on the walls? Why did you throw your plate of food the floor? Asking questions makes the process of moving forward easy. It make take a little bit, but they will start to talk and when they do, you will get all the answers you need. This makes them feel important. That’s crucial. Remember, it’s their world and we are just living in it.
Honestly, these are 5 great tools. They are tools that I am trying to use whenever one of my boys is losing it, or performs what might be labelled by some as a “spankable” offense. This is information I have gleaned from lots of different specialists who have been on our show, Parenting Unplugged Radio. I’m not perfect. I struggle as much as you do every day. I am sure you love your kids as much as I do and you want to be the best Dad you can be. So try some of these ideas out and let me know how they work for you. Don’t try them just once, do it 5 or 6 times each and get back to me. They may not work 100% the first time, but they will. Good luck!
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There is a beautiful salt water lagoon filled with fish, turtles and people. We actually rented out a kayak and paddled around. The boys found four different turtles and could have reached out and touched them if the rules weren’t “Don’t touch the turtles.”
