Todd came to the table with issues. He had a tough morning with the boys, so the question was asked, What to do when Mom or Dad gets mad? Find out if we answered it. SingleDadBrad had a great new idea to help us with our kids. Should food be labelled as a choking hazard? And what about Helicopter parents, there’s one that may have gone too far.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download audio

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Have you ever had to deal with Re-Entry? Has your spouse ever gone on a trip and then tried to quickly re-establish their presence in the family? How did that go? It wasn’t easy for us. Laura takes it head on. Todd get out of the way.

Download audio

Todd and Laura talk with guest Scott Q Marcus, a recovering perfectionist, about how to take care of yourself, so as a parent you can take even better care of the rest of your family.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download audio

I just saw the movie 17 Again. Laura turned it on and the kids were asleep while I was working. She always says she wants to go to bed early but tonight would not be that night. Matthew Perry always makes me laugh. I started laughing at him during the Friends years, (“That would be perfection.”) I only started watching it because of my Fraternity Brother, David Schwimmer, and the fact that I had a crush on Courtney Cox. Still do…what?  There’s nothing wrong with a 41 year healthy male, having a crush on a married and probably untouchable and unattainable woman.  Yes, Laura knows. Anyway, the movie also had Zac Efron. It’s the first movie I have seen with the kid. Yup, Laura thought he was stinkin’ hot. She gets Zac, I get Courtney. It’s America.

So, it got me thinking about how I often hear people say, “If I could only do it all over again.”  The movie made me laugh out loud; it’s probably what woke the kids up. But how perfect, here I am watching a movie about having a Do-Over and here comes my five year old down the stairs to sit with us.  If I had a Do-Over, he wouldn’t be there.

Yeah, it’s 1am and I’m a little sappy here, but you know what? If you asked a Dad, at least a Dad who listens to our show and asked him if he wanted a Do-Over, I bet you would get the same reaction. “No Way.” All that we have done in our lives, good and bad has led us to this very moment. It has lead us to have these wonderful children, these wonderful spouses, ok for some, those spouses turned out no so good, but it has lead us to being right here and there is no place that I would rather be, than holding my 5 year old (2.5 year old sleeps like a log) and whispering in his ear, “Thanks for loving me. I’m sorry I don’t get a do-over for today, but I’m going to keep trying to be a better Dad.”

“It’s okay Dad. No Do Over necessary. I love you anyway.”

I am writing this before our interview with Jill Milligan, who wrote a book called, Grandma Rules. I suggest you check back and see if I have written a post show blog. I usually do. Her book appears to be very light hearted and fun but it fires me up a little. Hear me out, Laura and I are trying to raise our children differently than my parents and Laura’s parents did. I want to be clear. They did the best with what they had. But that being said, sometimes Grandparents think they deserve respect from a 5 year old because they are 65 and I completely disagree. In fact, I get upset when I see a grandparent disrespecting a young child with shame, blame or other harmful words. Just because it happened to them when they were kids doesn’t mean they need to pass it on. It needs to stop and taking off a belt, or punishing a child is not the way to get the positive message across.

Now I am sure Jill isn’t focusing on this in her book. I haven’t read it yet, but Grandma Rules. There is much humor there but also some serious issues. A grandma Rule may be that they get to eat Ice Cream and watch TV for an hour right before they go to bed. I don’t like that rule. I would be much more inclined to support, a big bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce and a book or a board game. No TV. There are studies out that show how bad TV is to watch right before you go to sleep.

As for my parents, they are getting more and more used to the way Laura and I do things. Personally, I don’t think they like it, but they are keeping their mouths shut more often and letting me handle a “bad” situation. Usually these “problems” are so easy to fix. I just connect with my kid for a minute or too and presto, problem solved. Seriously, it works. My parents might say something like, “Big boys don’t cry.” or “If you want some ice cream, you better stop crying.” Do I ever get so frustrated at my kids that I want to say things like that? Yes. Have I? Probably, but it is something I aim not to do and I apologize for it, because really all a child wants is love and connection, especially when they are young. For those of you with teens, I am not there yet, but if you read up on the comparisons between 0-8 year olds and 13-18 year old, you will find they are almost identical in many ways. I suggest you scan through the book, Natural Learning Rythms – it’s right on and magical.

Many parents don’t agree with me, in fact there are a few in my own family. I will say this, my parents have 3 kids and 6 grandchildren. Of the 9, 5 can be judged pretty impartially by me. I would say my parents and my brother and his wife have done a very nice job. Of course, I will also say that of the 5, three have utilized therapy at some point with numerous benefits. I course, I won’t name names…

But back to Grandparents, I think the biggest problem I have with them is that what worked 40 years ago, may not be so good anymore. Get with the times. See the changes. Grandparent Rules? There are no rules, because each day something new is discovered and that should what we all strive for.

I was going to write this as a Dad’s only post, but the more I thought about it, I am sure there are mom’s who feel the same way.

What do you do when you find your kids able to divide and conquer? They ask for something, one parent says no and the other parent thinks it’s ok and so they end up giving the child what they want? It can be any sort of food, it can be clothes or anything a kid wants.

Here in our family there are times when I feel totally not listened to and I’ll be honest, because of my baggage and being a second child, when I am not listened to it pisses me off. I am working on it, but many it gets my blood boiling.

My example, while childish it may be, is this. I made dinner for everyone while they were out picking blueberries and mom was having connection time. Connor doesn’t like red pasta sauce so I made his noodles with butter. Everyone else started eating theirs. Connor inhaled his and he wanted more. I had prepared for this and so I gave him more with butter, but now he asked for cheese. WE didn’t have any. SO he got out of his seat and took a look in the fridge. Fine. Then he grabbed the cheddar cheese and asked me to cut some up and mix it in. Fine, I still hadn’t started on my dinner, but I didn’t mind. It was easy. So I cut it up, mixed it up and heated it up. After I served it to him, he said he wanted more cheese. I said no. That was enough cheese. Laura asked why. BOING! Problem starts.

Laura did tell Connor that she supported my decision but he persisted and she wavered soon thereafter and asked to talk with me out of the room. Ok, that was nice of her. So, I go to the bedroom where she has already started preparing more cheese for Connor on the friggin bed! I turned and left. What’s the point in talking when she was doing that?

While I felt furious, I was really sad. In fact, I am still sad this morning. Are these childhood issues? Hell yes it is. Can I do anything about it at this very moment? No. I do plan to share my feelings with them after breakfast. But what do you think? Do you ever experience issues/feelings like this? What do you do? Suppress the feelings? (By the way that includes just letting it blow over when you know it bothers you) Blow up? I would be interested to hear how others handle this. This could lead to an interesting discussion with Laura on Parenting Unplugged. I will be sure to NOT use your name.