In our Parenting Unplugged Radio program, aired on January 4^th, 2012, I brought up an idea called, “The Angry Jar”. It’s where anyone in our family who loses their temper has to put a small fee in case they “lose it”. For the kids it’s .25 cents, for Dad it’s $1. At the end of each week, we have a drawing to see who gets to keep all the cash. The idea was born out of two 12 hour car rides with the two boys and me. At times, it was pleasant. At times, I earned my two dollars in fines. So, we talked about ideas that might work to help us with our tempers. The boys and I came up with the idea of rather than taking something away, as in a toy or time or love, we thought money might be a way to do it. It would have two lessons, one about money and one about our temperament.

Todd Adams of Zen Parenting did not agree with this as an idea. But what the hell does he know? He’s raising kids in Chicago for crying out loud! I kid because I care. I went to school in Chicago and Todd is a very knowledgeable parent. In fact, more should listen to him.

The objective of this idea is to create awareness around losing your temper. If you have one, then you know. When you lose it, you usually don’t know how bad you did. You flip your lid. I have never really realized how loud I get or how mean I may be. Now the deal is, anyone in the family can call you out on it. To you it may not appear like a temper burst, but if someone calls you on it, then you have to pay the piper.

So, what is this teaching us?

Todd Adams, thinks this will teach kids to stuff their emotions. If he is right, then I should be awarded the Crappiest Parent of the Year award because stuffing emotions is what I learned to do most of my life. So his point could be very valid, because often we only copy what was done to us. However, I don’t think it will create that. I want to teach my kids about responsibility and accountability. I feel losing your temper is a good thing. However, I am not a fan of directing that anger at anyone else. It’s important to teach kids how to let it out.

I am hoping that the “Angry Jar” creates an opportunity for Pause. Because it is scientifically proven that if kids are able to stop and name their emotion, they don’t lose their temper. The Angry Jar is my goal to create a deterrent that creates that Pause. Maybe in that Pause, the kids and I will gather our thoughts, leave the room and go into our bedrooms and beat the crap out of our pillows or our bed. Better that than screaming at Mom.

Why did I choose money? I chose it because the boys understand that dollars can buy things and in our family if they want something special, they can use their own money to buy it. We are on a tight budget and if we bought a $1 toy every time we go to the store, we would be spending an extra $500 a year. This is not the last idea I will try with my kids and myself. There will be others in 2012. Keep listening to Zen Parenting for all of their great ideas and tips, while I also suggest you jump over to Parenting Unplugged Radio every now and again to see how and what we are doing. Plus, don’t forget what’s most important, share the shows with a friend. I look forward to your responses…

Georganne Chaplin, the Founder and Executive Director of Intact America joined Todd and Laura to talk about male circumcision.

Honestly, Todd and Laura had fought over this when they boys were born. So they split 50-50. Todd may have thought he won, but now he realizes after this conversation that he lost and so maybe have most men who fight to have their child circumcised. What is the point to it? How does it actually benefit the child? It is all about male ego? Why do so many European countries not do it?

Just because Todd had it done, does that mean his boys have to have done as well? Aren’t we trying to have our children live a life that is pain free rather than pain full?

If you have kids, this may cause you to want to apologize to them. If you don’t, it will cause you to pause for a moment and really think through this decision. Why should we allow a Doctor to force something upon our child that we don’t want. Look, they don’t know everything.

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Over the summer, Laura came to me with an idea. “Honey, I think we should get rid of our TV.” After I was done laughing, I looked at her and her facial expression hadn’t changed. See was serious. I thought, does she realize what she is suggesting? Does she recall that I have been a Sports Broadcaster for nearly 20 years and I must have my TV? So I did what any kid would do when backed into a corner and hearing that something is going to be taken away from him that he loves. I asked , “Why?” all the while batting my eyes and looking up at her with quivering lips.

“Because it’s bad for our kids’ brains. I’m addicted to it and we just waste time down here.”

“But Honey, I have to watch my college football games, then there is the NBA and college basketball. Plus you can’t forget about my favorite shows, like Modern Family and reruns of old Cheers episodes.”

“Sorry, but I am going to do it. It’s what’s best for our family.”

Now, I could have argued vehemently, but I knew deep down she was right. We had been talking about doing for a while, however, I thought she was just blabbling on and it was just a passing thought like, “Wow, that is one good looking guy over there, if I weren’t married to you…”  Hey, I have my top 5 list and she has hers.

So, then the day came and that was over three months ago. I have to tell you, every day when I go down into my basement and I see that TV sitting there with no cable hook up, I think to myself, “Why the hell didn’t we do this sooner?”

We are saving over $700 per year and I don’t miss TV at all. Sure, the Season Premieres are coming up and new shows are out, but am I going to be sad that I don’t see Ashton Kutcher taking over for Charlie Sheen? If I really need a hit, I can always go online and catch a show the week after it airs on TV. Plus, Netflix has all of the Cheers episodes available and I can go there to catch one.  The sporting events are tougher, but with ESPN3, I can see a few games. Of course, if I really need to, I can go to a local smoke free watering hole and watch the game.

But the more I think about it, my wife, Laura, who is brilliant beyond her years and beyond my imagination, has created something amazing for me. I spend more time with my kids playing indoors and out. The weekends are spent doing something fun things together as a group rather than sitting on my ass like a zombie stuffing my face with food I don’t need.

How many TV’s do you have in your home? How often do you find yourself sitting in front of it eating and not talking to your family? Maybe you should get rid of your TV too.

What child are you? 1st? Last? Well, if you are anything but the middle child, you are out of luck. Appearantly they are the most powerful and many  of them don’t even know it. So we decided to have Catherine Salmon PhD from the University of Redlands has co-authored a book entitled, “The Secret Power of Middle Children: How Middleborns Can Harness Their Unexpected and Remarkable Abilities”

We will bust the Middle Child Myth. We will find out why middle children are brilliant negotiators, trail blazers and justice seekers while we will also discover how to parent them.

Are you and your spouse the same or is one a 1st child and the other something different? Does it lead to issues between the two of you? It does for Laura and Todd. That’s why we are all excited about this conversation. Don’t miss it LIVE on Wednesday at 2pm, pst.

As parents we are always looking for resources that can help us in situation with our children. Here on Parenting Unplugged we have provided many of those through conversations and through wonderful experts we have interviewed on the show. We spend the time searching these out for all of you and now I have found that much of it has been a waste of time. If I had just listened to the radio more I could have saved myself thousands of hours.

I discovered this morning that one of the best ways to get my kids to stop punching, hitting or yelling at each other is… music. Not just any music. We are talking Dynamite. We are talking Taio Cruz.  Everything was going fine and then for some reason my 7 and 4 year old started griping and going at one another. I could have sat down, talked with them, discussed their feelings and such, but I was late. I had to get them in the car and get to school. So, I immediately turned on the radio, because honestly music soothes me quite often. I was quickly moving around the dial to find something I liked and the boys are ramping up the intensity of their confrontation. Then BOOM!

“I throw my hands up in the air some times, saying  ay-oh. Gotta let go.

I want to celebrate and live my life saying ay-oh, baby let’s go

Cause we gonna rock this club, we gonna go all night, we gonna light this up like its dynamite.

Cause I told you once and I told you twice, we gonna light up like it’s dynamite.”

Ok, so they aren’t the best written words ever, but when the music started pumping and the bys heard it, their eyes shifted to the front of the car, “Wait, we love that song!” I noticed they both said, “We”. That was nice. Then they both started singing, one in tune and the other spoke about every third or fourth word. That didn’t matter. What was great was that music brought them together. School is only 3 or 4 minutes away, so as we pulled up and the song had just ended, the older one, Connor age 7, says to Drew, “I love you Drew. I’ll see you after school.” To which the 4 year old Drew yelled back, “I love you too Connor! Bye!”

Some parents are scared of the lyrics that are out there and what it is teaching our kids. That’s a posting for another day. Trust me. I have a story about that too.

This is a special edition of Parenting Unplugged Radio, as Laura and I now do the show once per week.

Have you heard of Silent Sidelines? Todd learned about this from Therapist Ann DeWitt and utilized it in his child’s soccer game on Saturday. The results were mind blowing. The reaction from kids, parents and the other team. Plus it actually led to two goals being scored. Is this something that Todd wants to continue or not?

How can being quiet on the sidelines in a soccer game be a good thing? Todd takes you through the decision to do it. How he handled the parents on both teams and how it all turned out.

If your child plays on a sports team, do not miss this special episode.

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If you want to hear me rant about the reading abilities of High School Seniors in the state of Oregon, I suggest you listen to Dads Unplugged, Wednesday at 3:30pm on Pagatim.fm. If you want to read about some facts that are terrifying, don’t wander away from this screen.

I read in the Oregonian that over six thousand High School Seniors are at risk of not graduating because they can’t pass the state’s mandated reading tests. They have to read a little over 1000 words, then give short answers to 5-8 questions about what they just read and they are failing! At David Douglas High, 1 in 4 students in the senior class is failing this test. That’s 166 kids. At Roberts High School in Salem, 47% of the seniors can’t pass this test; that’s 76 kids.

Now don’t go yelling about how this is due to lower incomes, because Oregon City (one-third fall into the low income category) and Forest Grove High School (58% low-income and 42% Latino) are passing the tests at 94 and 88 percent respectively. This is about something far worse. It’s the main reason that schools are actually hurting our children’s education. It’s about money.

With the way the government hands out funds, this is all about money. If your school hits a benchmark, they get funds. If they don’t, they lose it. So the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. When are we going to learn?

Take parenting for example. Does it really help when you tell your kid, “Do that again and you will not get desert.” or “You took a cookie when I said you couldn’t have one. You go to your room without any supper.” Twothings: parents actually say things like that and while that may help you short term, it does not int he long run. Simply put, you are just teaching your child to not get caught. You aren’t instilling any internal locus of control. Translate this into a school room setting and all you are teaching the children is to fake it. If you can get away without reading, you will be fine. It appears than almost half of the senior class at Roberts has faked it. By the way, those pictures of kids in graduation gowns on their web page, they are fake too.

Our government needs to stop punishing the kids. In fact, they shouldn’t punish the schools either. They need to help where help is needed most. Programs like Smart and JumpStart are great for helping kids learn to read at the 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade levels. That’s when it sticks. That’s where we and the government can make a difference.

Think about insurance companies for a moment. They don’t care about your health, even though they say they do in their ads. They don’t take any interest in preventative care. They are their to support you when you have a claim and even then they may not help you. Did you know that if Americans were supported in preventative care, we could save millions of dollars per year? Teaching kids to read is a little bit like that. Donating your time to your high school to help kids learn how to read as seniors is a waste. Donate your time and money to elementary schools when kids learn to read and they read to learn. Support the two programs I have mentioned. Then we will be able to scream, “Hey Oregon, you rock!”

Have you been struggling with this question? If you already do give them a weekly stipend, how did you come to that amount? Should we give kids an allowance at all? This debate has gone on and on over the years and now that Laura and I are parents and our oldest is 7, we need to start thinking about this.

I get the feeling Laura and I will have different opinions and this could lead to a very fun conversation. Honestly, if you are going to give them something, should you have the right to take it away?

Now that our kids are going back to school, we have to keep them healthy right? We talk 1 on 1 with Naturopath Juniper Martin and give you the secrets to keeping everyone in your family healthy. Catch it LIVE at 2pm. Send in questions to us on our Facebook page.

Kimberley Carson is a Mind, Body and Health Educator and through her experience with Duke University Medical Center and OHSU and Yoga she has come to an understanding that few of us may comprehend.

Start Being. Stop Doing.

What does that mean? What does that do? Why don’t we make that shift? Laura gets a real lesson in how to be, while Todd gets a couple of clues that will help him out. Find out how to not get caught in the loop anymore and live the life you have been looking for.

Join us at 2pm on Weds at Pagatim.fm